Team Zen

For the calm one. Bamboo-munching raccoons, lotus poses, and deep forest serenity that no raccoon has legitimately earned through geography. Wrong habitat, right vibes.

Team Zen is the other half of the original swap: a raccoon sitting cross-legged in misty bamboo, eyes closed, thousands of miles from any dumpster it has ever known and completely at one with a universe it was not assigned to. This is the side for the friend who owns a meditation app and actually opens it, sips herbal tea, and has never raised their voice about anything.

Ten pieces across t-shirts ($32), 11oz mugs ($17), matte art prints ($25–$38) and weatherproof stickers ($8–$10). Start with the Inner Peace Tee, or the Visit the Bamboo Forest Tee if they collect national-park stickers — vintage travel-poster art advertising a destination that does not exist.

The other half lives in Team Menace. Free US shipping over $35.